How to Help your Teen go from Defiance to Motivation in 7 Steps

Does any of the following sound familiar:

You’re at your wits’ end due to your teen’s behavior at home and at school;

Your teen doesn’t seem to care about anything—except for maybe video games and hanging out with friends;

All you seem to do is remind (and nag) your teen about the things you think s/he should be doing and it doesn’t help (in fact, it often seems to make things worse);

Your teen needs help due to ADHD or Executive Function deficits and you are more than willing to provide that help, but your teen simply won’t listen to your suggestions or input or accept any help–and your attempts at helping are met with resentment or rebellion;

You’re so afraid that if things continue the way they’re going, your teen is going to wind up uneducated, unhappy and unproductive as an adult.

I get it! I have been there and I know how frustrating and hopeless it can feel!

But I also know there is hope!

Effective Strategies + Personalized Support = HOPE! ​​​

As a parent, I used to think there were only two ways to deal with the dreaded combination of ADHD + defiance and lack of motivation: Either do more of the same helicopter-y things I had been doing OR just give up and just let the my teen fail, hoping he would learn ‘the hard way.’

What I finally realized was that those two things–do everything for him or do nothing for him–were not my only two choices. There was a better way. And that better way is this:

Using a strategic, collaborative approach to problem solving.

(FYI, by “strategic“, I mean addressing issues and working toward a specific end goal in a calm, planned out, deliberate way. Each step in the process contributes to the success of the whole process. By “collaborative“, I mean involving teens in the process by offering an opportunity for input and setting the stage for buy-in and ownership of decisions AND results. This is how motivation is born.)

When you use a collaborative, strategic approach to problem-solving, both you and your teen will benefit:

Your teen: because it will empower him/her to take ownership and responsibility for his/her actions AND results; s/he will start to see the behaviors not just as ‘your problem’, but as something that are a problem for him/her too–something that needs to be solved in order to get better results–which is the first step to becoming motivated;

You: because you will be able to see better results without any more nagging, pleading and yelling or micromanaging/helicopter-ing! You’ll be much more calm–and so will your home environment! You will also see your relationship with your teen improve dramatically. And, you can feel good about the fact that you are helping your teen learn some very important lessons and are preparing your teen for responsible adulthood.

Also, when you use a collaborative, strategic approach:

Your teen will feel respected and valued by you and will be much more willing to want to please you now and in the future; And, when you collaborate (which includes listening to what your teen has to say regarding an issue or problem), you could very well learn something about your teen and/or the problem that you might not already know–which will allow you to help your teen much more effectively when the time comes!

You will be modeling and teaching your teen valuable problem-solving skills and group discussion skills that will be necessary as an adult.

You will shift from being the ‘bad guy’ to being a valuable, supportive ally: when your teen sees that s/he can’t get the results s/he wants without help, you will be right there, ready and willing to offer assistance and guidance (and they’ll be much more open to receiving it!).

To help you get these results in an easy, step by step way, I have created the following 7-step strategic, collaborative process:

How to help your teen go from Defiance to Motivation in 7 Steps

  1. Name a behavior you want your teen to change
  2. Examine your thoughts and feelings about this behavior
  3. Collaborate with your teen
  4. Back off; give your teen time and space to experience natural/logical consequences
  5. Take care of your relationship with your teen
  6. Check back in with each other
  7. Provide help and support in an empowering way.

This 7-step strategic, collaborative process works for any kind of problems/behaviors you’d like your teen to change: everything from your teen not waking up on time, to not taking medications to not doing homework, to not taking care of personal hygiene or belongings…and everything in between!

Want to learn more and try the steps out yourself?

Enroll in my FREE Email Course!

Would you like to learn more about what each of the 7 steps of the strategic, collaborative process entails so you can put the process in place to address the problems you’re having with your teen’s behavior?

If so, I created a free email course just for you!

In this email course, you will learn more about each of the 7 steps in detail, including:

A description of each step:

  • Why each step is important; and,
  • Details for exactly how to carry out each step (including suggestions for what to do and/or what to say for each step) in order to ensure you will have success with the process.

And, you’ll also be able to send me any questions you have after each step.

At the end of the 7 days, you’ll be ready to effectively address any problem you’re having with your teen now or in the future! (And, I’ll also tell you how you can get help from me when/if you need it.)

How this email course works:

Once you enroll, then all you have to do is wait for the emails from me. You will receive 7 separate emails (one each day) describing and discussing each step in detail so you can start to implement them right away. You will also be able to respond to each email to ask me any questions you have about each step.

Ready to get started?

To enroll in the free course, all you have to do is enter your information below and then watch for your first email!